Dark – by Kenji Jasper

Earlier this week I went to the library to pick up some books to read. I hadn’t been to the library in quite some time; I often bought books from the store to read and I tried my hardest to watch cable since I’ve been paying an arm and a leg for it. Because cable has so disappointed me, and it makes no sense to keep spending money on buying books given these high gas prices, I reacquainted myself with my local library.

Because my library doesnt have an African American section, I literally have to go through the books and scan them for interest. When I came across this book, it took me by surprise…it talked about places I was familiar with (DC and Charlotte, NC) so of course I checked it out. Immediately it became one that I could not put down.

Without giving away too much, it was told by a typical young man from the city, who grew up in a single parent home headed by his father, but was given the knowledge needed to escape the woes of the inner city. He had friends who lived a different lifestyle, and without trying they seemingly suck him in.  It takes him some time and experiences to regroup, but at the end, it kind of allows you to hope that he does.

I recommend that you check it out for yourself!

Small Setbacks…

10 pounds. I have gained about ten pounds over the last couple of weeks. How did I do it?? It was easy…I have been traveling pretty much every weekend for the last two months, from Miami to North Carolina to VA Beach and home to my grandparent’s house. When you’re on “vacation”, what do you do? You eat…you eat because you see a place that sells food and you don’t have any idea when or where you will get your next meal, so you go ahead and eat JUST IN CASE you get caught up and don’t get a chance to later.

2 weeks ago I was 210. I am certain, without a doubt, that I am 220.

So what’s the plan? Well here it is:

Breakfast: Toast (2)
Snack: A banana
Lunch: A salad
Snack: a nutrigrain bar or some fruit (and the mantra “I am not hungry…I AM NOT hungry!!”
Dinner: Cereal. I very well could have a hot dog and fries (times are hard) but I have to get this wait off.

My will power is low. I’ve probably said that before (I read something that said that Pisceans have very low will power). But I’ve got to do a TON of work if I’m going to get back to 210. The goal is 185…I have a long way to go. Cheer me on?

Toodles!!

Miami !!

A couple of weeks ago, I accompanied the senior girl scouts from my church on a college road trip. We left very early on a Thursday morning, and stopped in various cities as we headed south to visit schools that the may have wanted to visit- VCU, Virginia Union, Hampton, William and Mary…we even stayed overnight in Jacksonville and visited Florida State and the University of Florida.

Where did we finally end up on this college trip??? Miami!!!

I was ever so greatful for this long, but free trip for me. I even got to visit my best friend who moved down there several years ago.

Here are some pics from Hollywood Beach. I love the beach and thought that the sand, ocean, and sky were absolutely beautiful!!

On Sunday, I ventured out to South Beach…I didn’t get many photos while out on the beach. The sun was BLAZING, and because I love my skin color AS IS, I decided to go have a bite to eat at Finnegan’s…here is a pic of my meal…

It was absolutely tasty! Stuffed crab and a caesar salad with shrimp was my “light but tasty” put together meal of choice. I sat out there and people watched until the other girl scout leader that I came with was ready to go.

I hated to leave the beach, but I thoroughly enjoyed my trip. I wonder when and where my next trip will be?!?!?

New Year…On to New Things…

I haven’t written at all this year…a lot of things have changed in my life. But before I get all into writing and whatnot, I wanted to share this picture with you:

It’s the cherry blossoms in DC…aren’t they pretty?!?!?

The Past Hindering Your Present…

I admit, I am one of those people who needs closure…for everything. One of the most difficult things for me to do is let go of people from my past. Though although our “relationship” was over, if it never had any closure that satisfied me, in my opinion, it was never closed. Unless I had a conversation with that person which resulted in some type of realization that A) it was totally me that caused him to feel it wouldn’t work, or B) It was a problem with him that caused the “relationship” not to go anywhere, then I never felt that I could finally end what our time together. I was always left feeling like there was a chance for me and this person to get back together.

This week I had a conversation with a friend (one person that I needed to find closure over what didn’t work with us) and he ended up basically saying that things didn’t work out with us because he never felt that he had closure on his relationship with his first love, and that he supposed he kept wishing that they would end up back together. Well, he’s not lying. Because he told me this same garbage four years ago, and at that time, he’d broken up with her about two to three years prior.

My mind immediately went into irritation mode. Hey buddy. It’s been at least six, seven years since you all were last together. Get over it.

As I was thinking about this, I realized just how much I sounded like the pot calling the kettle black. How could I be telling this guy to get over some chick from eons ago, and I’m sitting here myself looking for closure to relationships that also happened some time ago?
I realized a couple of things:

1) This guy is missing out on a TON of girls (me included at one time) who think the world of him, but because one girl that he happened to be sprung over didn’t work out, he can’t see with clarity all of the women that would love to love him.

2) If someone decides that they don’t want you in their life, you have to RESPECT IT. If someone decides that a relationship with you is not in their best interest, why hold on to it? Granted, you may not like the way they broke up with you. You may not like the way they treated you, and heck, you may not like the way that they expressed the reasons why they weren’t really giving you the time of day. The reality is, the cues were there. In their own way, they were trying to tell you that there was something about the two of you individually that would hinder the possibilities of the two of you being successful together.

What I really want to tell this guy is that the same way that you decide that people aren’t for you, that they aren’t a best fit for you, it is quite possible that the person you’re holding on to feels the same way about you. And until you (we, whoever, etc.) respect that, we can’t move on.

The more I think about it in that way, I come to a different understanding of my lack of “relationship” with certain guys and relax a bit on the need for closure. Maybe those people I chose to care about tried to end it the best way that they knew how, and the way they chose to do it was not acceptable to me. In the same way that a guy has the gall to walk up to me, or take me out, and I choose to keep it as merely friends (if I talk to them at all), this could be the same reason that a person felt that who they are did not quite vibe well with who I am. Therefore, before I get into something deep with them, and get my feelings hurt later, I respect that they are sparing me from unnecessary drama or turmoil down the road as we force something to be that just isn’t supposed to be.

Well enough of my therapy for tonite. Hope this helps someone.

Toodles!

So starts my Monday…

It’s about 8:27am on Monday morning, and although I’m not necessarily procrastinating on getting ready for work, I’m moving slow. I need a “summer break”, you know, the same one that teachers get for about three months when they don’t have to listen to screaming kids, screaming parents, and rules that say “DEAL WITH IT”. I keep looking at the clock, hoping it moves slow to reach 8:30am, when I have to turn on my work cell, where there are telephone calls that were left over the weekend when I am clearly not working, and people want me to call first thing Monday morning to talk.

I try hard to use my first few minutes of the morning to get my mind totally clear, so I fix my breakfast and read my blogs to think about something, ANYTHING, different than what will occur between 8:30am and whatever time it’s over (often lasting past 5:30pm). This morning, however, my boyfriend decided to eat breakfast with me, and he likes to talk about work. My work. His work. Work situations. What I need to do with my clients. Work. Work. Work. When I try to tell him “please, not right now, give me a few minutes” he gets frustrated with me. Well damnit, I’m sorry. It is not good for me mentally to consume myself with work when I’m off. I value any time I can get to avoid talking about work, because when I’m there, it is nonstop and can be stressful.

Don’t get me wrong…for some reason, I have found this career choice, and it works for me. I do sometimes believe that I’m way smarter than this choice, and could have done bigger things, but I’m not complaining either, because it definitely is an eye opener and has taught me a lot about myself. I love to learn the “who”, “what”, “where”, “when”, and “why” of it all, and I enjoy helping people figure out the “how” and actually get there. I just need a break from it, just for a bit (hence, social workers need a summer break!).

Anyway, I’m off on Friday, which is good, and I’ll get a three day weekend. I had hoped that I had another day this week that I could request to take off to get a break to manage my own life, but after glancing at my calendar, it doesn’t seem that it’s going to happen.
Oh Well.

Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks. I can make it.

Friends, Family, Parties, Boos….

It’s frigid outside! And I just came home from a friend’s birthday party. The party was in tailgate theme, and we were required to wear our favorite team’s jersey. Of course, I don’t have a favorite team, so I borrowed my cousin’s Carolina Panthers jersey…no one saw the dang thing, because it was freezing outside and I didn’t take my coat off. Heck, I couldn’t feel my dang fingers, and my time outside at the party winded down rather quickly.

It was an interesting concept for a party. There was a fire pit, tailgate type food (and thank God for the soup!), and even beer pong (of course, I don’t drink beer, so I didn’t participate in that). They bought a tv outside, couches and chairs…it was very nice.

It’s always nice to hang with those particular friends who threw the party…they always invite others and do their best to make everyone feel welcome…

But this time I didn’t feel so welcome. I’m no longer living in my hometown, so I feel like I kind of lost my connection to those that were close. And of course, my friends and many of theirs are married, and it is quite uncomfortable to be the odd one out (of course I wasn’t the only single one, but the TWO other chicks who were there see each other all of the time). Its sucks to be the odd person out.

This could turn into several blog topics, and maybe I’ll consider those later. As for today, I’ll just say that my exit from the party was quiet. I really didn’t want to leave, but it was freezing and I was feeling lonely, so I rolled out. I am ever so greatful for even being invited, but I’ll definitely have to consider my feelings before going to another event like this solo.

Howard Homecoming ’11

This weekend was Howard’s Homecoming. I graduated from undergrad there in 2003, and marched in the band all four years. No stranger to the whole process and the events, this year I decided to take a different approach.

Last year I didn’t go to anything Homecoming related at all. Not that I was purposely boycotting, I just didn’t care to sit out in the freezing cold, in the rain, or around some certain groups that feel homecoming is only for them and no one else (no need to name names).

This year I decided to go to the R & B concert, see the parade, and hang out on the yard to check out the vendors and food.

I was over excited to attend the concert. Come on now, Avant, Joe, Tyrese, and Monica on one stage?!?!? Two other surprises, Melanie Fiona and Keith Robinson (Dreamgirls, Fat Albert) also gave us a bit from their albums. Everyone sounded GREAT. I couldn’t have asked for better, musically inclined R & B acts on one ticket. I even caught a glimpse of Boris Kodjoe, who blessed the crowd with his presence.

This morning my friend and I attended the parade, and it was very well put together. School bands, alumni, car shows, motorcycles…spectacular. On the yard, the African American vendors sold everything from cds, African art, music…there was even a tent doing manicures / eyebrows/etc. Alumni giving back is a beautiful thing.

I won’t mention the fried fish, “college” greens, rice and peas and pink lemonade that quenched the taste buds

Even though I didn’t go to the game (and yay, we won!) it was time well spent. I think this may be an ongoing thing. I may hit up the game every couple of years, just to see how my “section” (Trombones) is carrying the torch, and see some faces from yesteryear, but otherwise, this experience was sweet

Toodles!

3 am and I can’t sleep…!

This morning I woke up at 3am, sitting up in bed almost immediately. Why? Because of job stress.

The stress of my job kind of moves in waves…a couple of good months go by, then a “snag” hits which cause my stress levels to go sky high. What happens when I am stressed…? I’m up at night.

I have kids on my caseload whose foster homes have disrupted and new placements have to be found. This is stressful because 1) the placement has disrupted for a reason 2) you have to tell potential parents about a child’s needs 3) parents can be picky, have the option to say “no”, and usually do.

In the mean time, the children are in limbo. Transportation to and from school, programs, and therapy has to be disrupted, then put back into place. It takes a week to a month to get back into the swing of things.

If its stressful for me, I can only imagine how stressful it could be for a kid NOT to know where they will be placed next. They don’t know who the parent will be, if they have kids in their homes, if the kids will treat them nice, how’ll they’ll get back and forth to school…the list goes on.

And usually, the honeymoon period happens and everything is smooth sailing…until that child’s behaviors start rearing their heads, and then you get the normal influx of phone calls that usually go “You’re not going to believe this”, “Guess what this kid did” or “Come Get Her!”

I’m looking for the honeymoon period. So I can sleep.

I’ll Probably Lose A Pound or so this week…

Yesterday I went to get my car serviced, only for an oil change. What was supposed to cost me on $40 ended up costing me $294. Why you ask? Well, it appears that I needed not only an oil change, but also transmission fluid, and in addition, some kind of induction inspection thingy (ok, my use of the word “thingy” explains it all. Sue me.) I am going to look up this induction business, because I believe I overspent $250 at the dealership.

As a result, I am literally going to be eating in for the rest of the week. So much for participating in any of those expensive homecoming activities this week…Honda says no.

I went to the grocery store and spent about $40 in groceries. Here’s what I bought:

I figure Weight Watchers will be proud of me. I figure in the morning, I can have toast, eggs, and milk, or cereal. Snacks will be a banana, and I’m going to cut up the cheese into chunks and add it to the tomato as another snack. For lunch it’ll be these Healthy Choice meals, or a salad with the pulled pork (salad + ¼ cup pulled pork= 1 Point. Ha!). I guess for dinner, I’ll either eat the salad or the Healthy Choice if I’m lazy. If I feel like cooking something real, I’ll go ahead and cook a meat and vegetable that I have in the fridge.

Oh by the way, I can’t get out of the 220s. I got as low as 223 Friday morning. After going to Don Pablos with my friend D, then having a meal at the Cheesecake Factory with my friend and cousin, I woke up on Saturday to a wopping 227. What did me in? The Mexican food.

Anywho, I started to get $10 from the grocery store while I was there to pay the parking garage. Then I remembered, parking in the garage is a luxury that Honda won’t allow me to have. THEREFORE, I really should park in the neighborhood and move my dang car every two hours until the work day is over. Guess that’ll give me a little bit of exercise too.

Dahhhhh well.

Toodles!!